By now it is well known that famed basketball player Kobe Bryant was killed in a tragic helicopter crash. When a high profile and wildly successful person like Kobe dies there is a tremendous outcry. Many view people like Kobe as being invincible. When they are killed it suddenly becomes a reminder— that nobody is invincible. Life is fragile and death can come so unexpectedly. This tragic event is a good reminder to the rest of us to be prepared.

It has also been widely reported that Kobe was a practicing Catholic and he attended Mass earlier that morning with his daughter who also died in the crash. Few if any, however, comment about Kobe’s other half, his wife Vanessa, and her remarkable courage and strength.

Kobe Bryant was raised in a Catholic household.  In 2001, much to the disappointment of his parents (they felt he was too young), Kobe married Vanessa Laine at St. Edward Roman Catholic Church in Dana Point, California. Kobe and his family attended Mass regularly and Kobe was also known to attend weekday Mass. He was drafted into the NBA at the tender age of 17 and in a 2015 interview with GQ magazine, discussing how fame and success affected him Kobe said:

“Well, most successful people are a little arrogant…. I was very stubborn. I was like a wild horse that had the potential to become Secretariat, but who was just too fucking wild”

His arrogance may have been why In 2003, Kobe was accused of raping a woman. Although he admitted to having sex with the woman he felt it was consensual. She refused to go on with the criminal case and instead filed a civil suit that was settled. Kobe eventually stated he didn’t realize his accuser saw their encounter as assault. In the midst of it all, he issued a public apology and took responsibility for what he had done.

First, I want to apologize directly to the young woman involved in this incident. I want to apologize to her for my behavior that night and for the consequences she has suffered in the past year. Although this year has been incredibly difficult for me personally, I can only imagine the pain she has had to endure. I also want to apologize to her parents and family members, and to my family and friends and supporters, and to the citizens of Eagle, Colorado. I also want to make it clear that I do not question the motives of this young woman. No money has been paid to this woman. She has agreed that this statement will not be used against me in the civil case. Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. After months of reviewing discovery, listening to her attorney, and even her testimony in person, I now understand how she feels that she did not consent to this encounter. I issue this statement today fully aware that while one part of this case ends today, another remains. I understand that the civil case against me will go forward. That part of this case will be decided by and between the parties directly involved in the incident and will no longer be a financial or emotional drain on the citizens of the state of Colorado.

While his critics still debate the motivation behind his apology, it is almost unheard of that an accused rapist would admit the possibility they may have been wrong. Shortly after the case was dismissed, Kobe was found buying a Rosary for his wife Vanessa in a Culver City Pauline bookstore. As Catholics, we know -we do not merely believe, we know, that the rosary is the most powerful recitation we can make when we desire a miracle or some other grace from God. By reflecting on Our Most Holy Mother’s experiences and the life of Jesus, we become more like the woman who bore all things for the sake of obedience to God’s will.

With that said, I don’t think nearly enough attention has been given to Kobe’s wife, Vanessa, and the strength she displayed. She had tremendous courage to stay with him during such a difficult time. Many people were surprised and shocked that she didn’t leave him. Most women, religious or otherwise, would have walked away. In what can only be described as an act of extraordinary forgiveness, Vanessa chose to honor the vow “for better or worse, in sickness and health.” It takes greater strength of character to rebuild a marriage after an affair than to just give up and quit.

While many protestant denominations allow divorce by misinterpreting this passage from St Matthew’s Gospel, — “whoever divorces his wife, except in the case of adultery, and marries another, commits adultery”— to justify divorce and remarriage.  The Catholic Church has never allowed divorce and remarriage for any reason.

The Church, of course, does recognize that adultery gravely damages the emotional, spiritual, mental, and even physical well being of the innocent party. In such circumstances, cohabitation can be nearly impossible for the devastated party. However, the marriage bond still remains despite the physical separation. Civil divorce is a civil remedy to safeguard civil rights and safety, it does not (and cannot) dissolve the marriage bond.

It undoubtedly was not easy but after some rough years, Kobe and Vanessa reconciled and they remain married to this day. In early January 2020, Kobe revealed the key to his marriage’s success during an appearance on Showtime Basketball’s All the Smoke. He noted on the YouTube series that “commitment” and the “competitiveness of ‘We’re going to succeed’” kept the couple going throughout the years. Kobe argued that the highs and lows are an essential element to a lasting marriage. “That’s all the beauty of it: having the persistence and determination to work through things — very, very tough things — and we’ve been able to do that,” he admitted.

Together they founded the Kobe and Vanessa Bryant Family Foundation (KVBFF). The foundation helped fund youth homeless shelters and other projects aimed at serving the poor.

We hope you will join us in keeping Vanessa Bryant in your prayers and for the repose of the souls of Kobe, his daughter Gianna, and the seven other people who died in the helicopter crash near Calabasas, California.